Always On My Mind

"One cannot live well, love well, or sleep well, until one has dined well." 
-Virginia Woolfe

My homeboy Vincent van Gogh once said,
"The way to know life is to love many things." For those who aren't familiar with our boy Vince- aside from the fact that he was a prolific Post-Impressionist during the late 19th century- he was also... ardently alive. His passion for living fueled his art, and, conversely, his art actually served as a cathartic means by which to release some of the stresses he indubitably brought upon himself because of the intensity in which he felt alive. It was Vince's "loving of many things" which I'm sure allowed him to feel so passionately about the world and his circumstances and his aliveness. 

Let's translate that ideaology to... Brittanyology. I feel that Vincent and I may be kindred spirits for several reasons which are far too convoluted to discuss on this simple minded little blog BUT it is the aforementioned quotation which I feel binds us because, it was something he preemptively said only because I wasn't alive yet to say it. I am a self-prolaimed lover of many things. Many, many, many things. And as my dear, long-lost friend Grant used to say about me, if I love something, I "love the hell out of it." (He also used to say, "and if you don't like something, you HATE it. You are a living superlative." I don't think anyone's ever pin-pointed my personality as acutely as did he that day. I miss you, my good man.) 

I could loquaciously divulge all the many, many, many things that allow me to fervently "know life", and verbally illustrate why they make my cup so very half full. Instead, I'm going to concentrate on merely one aspect of my aliveness that sometimes brings me more joy than I'm comfortable admitting...

Have you ever taken a bite of something for the first time and had the immediate, soul-penetrating musing:
"Surely Heaven designed this with me in mind"?
{"Why, yes, yes I have- and don't call me Shirley!" would be my resounding response.}
Among my most cherished memories are the poignant moments I've shared with my taste buds and had the aforementioned question resonate within my entire being. I remember getting strep throat a few years ago and upon convalescing, was grievously concerned that my taste buds would never heal. It was literally the most debilitating thought I've ever had. Oh, but they did. And how marvelously they've recovered. I'm afraid that words seem to fail me when it comes to describing those foods that have brought me such mellifluous joy, that have created a symphony in my mouth, that have turned my gray skies blue...
So, I will instead visually stimulate your own taste buds and allow you to cogitate on what you (or your taste buds) love so much that it truly does allow you to "know life" a little bit better. Indeed, at least for me "the way to know life is to love many 'foods'."

There is no humanly possible way I could deliver every, single food item with which I have an unhealthy relationship so I just narrowed it down to the ones I crave/dream about on a regular basis (in no particular order). Drumroll please... 

Chocolate Souffle Cake with Vanilla Bean sauce from CPK. And... you gotta go a'la mode or go home.

Carne asada esta sooooo good. My Pops raised me right.

I've been known to eat my body weight in cinnamon rolls in less than thirty minutes.

I'll avo your cado any day of the weeeeek.

Dear Vegetarians, You. Are. Boring. Love, B. 
(Except for you, Em.)

P.S. Why do you think Heaven made animals?? 
It's b/c of BBQ sauce. Duh.

Pesto, Pesto, you are the very best-o.

 

Best formula ever, sorry to disappoint you Al Einstein: 
(1) Late Night with Chelsea Handler + (1) big fluffy bed 
+ (1-3) bowls of PB Crunch = Divine.

Sometimes really all I can think about for hours on end is a cheeseburger.

Creme brule. This is where words do indeed fail me.

I discovered these during one of my "organic only" phases. They're organically delicious. But the wrapper isn't bio-degradable, which is so disappointing.

 

 "Since when is it illegal to hide caprizzi salad anywhere?"

If only I knew where to buy cake bite seeds so that I could grow a cake bite tree. Lemme know if you ever come across any. (You can buy some actual cake bites here. They don't sell the seeds though.)

I'm pretty sure pineapple was the fruit on that one tree that Eve wasn't supposed to pick from. Because it's positively sinful.

Not as sinful as this, though. I hate her.

Queso dip. I discovered this on an "organic only" phase too. Naturally.

Tip: Nachos from the gas station aren't as good as they look. But I will hit that when a more viable option for hot cheese isn't readily accessible. 

I am not even mad at the frozen yogurt craze and I'm crossing my fingers the dream never dies. My fave is Original Tart. I never try anything else. I'm not a dare devil.

Member cranberry limeades from Sonic? Best. Thing. Ever. Don't get me started on nugget ice. Don't eeeeven get me started.

I LOVE me some whole grain, American toast. But really? This > That. I love French toast, French kissing, and French fries. And in that order.

If you call this "Orange Sherbert", I officially hate you. There's only one "R" in sherbet, FYI.

And Oh Delilah... What would life be without creampuffs?? I don't want to think about that right now. I'll think about that tomorrow.

...

Peace and Love.

Artwork by Ju Duoqi, on display at the Paris-Beijing Photo Gallery, in the featured exhibit, "The Vegetable Museum". This piece  is made out of various vegetables used in Chinese cuisine, including tofu, cabbage, and ginger. Radical.

Love Letters

"The sudden bound from mournful resignation to infinite felicity seemed to upset me. Even now I am still beside myself and sometimes I tremble lest I should suddenly awaken from this dream divine."

-Victor Hugo, in a "love letter" to his wife Adele

 Dear Kidneys,

Sorry about the 3 pound bag of Sweettart jellybeans I ate today.

Love, B

Dear All The Clothes I Hand-Washed Today,

You are annoying.

Love, B

Dear Jackson F. Brown,

You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. So far.

Love, B

Dear Lavendar,

I wish the whole world smelled like you.

Love, B

Dear Taco Bell Drive-Thru Man Whom Gave Me a Free Pepsi Today,

Thank you!

Love, B

Dear June,

I can't wait see you again. I will basque in you.

Love, B

Dear Clean Sheets,

You may possibly be my highest ideal of earthly bliss.

Love, B

Dear Sleeping In- My Long-Lost Friend,

We will reunite someday.

Love, B

Dear Chewable Vitamin-C Tablets,

The jig is up. I know you're candy in disguise. And I'm not mad.

Love, B

Dear Elvis,

Oh just... Everything. 

Love, B

Dear Beloved Cameo Collection,

Just thinking of you makes me serenely happy.

Love, B

Dear Webster's Pocket Dictionary,

You are my favorite nerdy pleasure.

Love, B

Dear Pachelbel Canon in D,

You never stop giving. My soul is ardently enamored with you.

Love, B

Dear Ginger Ale,

I think I'm the only human under the age of 67 that drinks you. But I'll drink you 'til I'm 67 at least. 

Love, B

Dear Singing In The Shower,

You make me supremely happy.

Love, B

Dear Always Sunny In Philadelphia,

You are completely inappropriate. But I love you just the same.

Love, B

Dear Tiramasu,

Thank you for all that you are.

Love, B

Dear Getting Waxed,

You're so worth the agony.

Love, B

Dear Brothers On Missions,

Sometimes I miss you all the time.

Love, B

Dear Little Sisters,

Stop growing.

Love, B

Dear Popsicles (Dad),

I owe you: about four sets of tires, a totaled Range Rover, some car payments, among other things. You will probably never get them from me. But I love you more than Webster's or I can express.

Love, B

Dear Mama,

I want to be you in most every way.

Love, B

Dear Scoliosis,

Go away.

Love, B

Dear Cheeseburgers,

I could eat one of you every. single. day.

Love, B

Dear Downloading Music Until The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning,

I may need to leave you for awhile and seek out some sort of 12-step program.

Love, B

Dear People Who Say "I Could Care Less",

I hate you.

Love, B

Dear Les Miserables,

I think you were written just for me.

Love, B

Dear The Age of Innocence,

You are tragically beautiful. Just like Elpheba.

Love, B

Dear Pile Of Laundry I Have To Fold,

See you on my floor in a big pile tomorrow! Take care.

Love, B

Dear Organic Skim Milk,

I know you're a scam. But I can't stop!

Love, B

Dear Washing My Hair Every Day,

R.I.P.

Love, B

Dear Cary Grant,

You are intoxicating.

Love, B

Dear Hello Kitty,

I still kind of adore you and get a little thrill when I see you on stuff, like the Band-Aids I bought at Target last week.

Love, B

Dear March Madness,

I don't get it.

Love, B

Dear Antique Stores,

How does one live life without you?

Love, B

Dear The Kardashians,

Be nicer to Scott. He's kinda funny.

Love, B

Dear Bompa (My three-year old moniker for "Grandpa"),

My heart belongs to you.

Love, B

Dear Carla Bruni,

I loved you even more when I found out you had an affair with Mick Jagger. Please tell me there is a love child out there somewhere... And where I can buy their album...

Love, B

Dear French,

I want to learn you soon.

Love, B

Dear Hearing and Sight, 

Please never, never leave me.

Love, B

Dear Anne Shirley,

I want to be you. Minus the red hair of course.

Love, B

Dear Swimming Laps,

Let's be friends again.

Love, B

Dear Now 'N' Laters,

I thought I'd be over you by now. It seems I'm not. 

Love, B

Dear Making Lists,

Please explain why crossing things off of you gives me such sick thrills? So much so that I write mindless things like, "Brush teeth" on you just so I can cross it off? I don't understand.

Love, B

Dear Book About Jack The Ripper That I'm Reading,

You are a creep. And I am a creep for reading you in the first place.

Love, B

Dear The Word Diabolical,

I kind of love you.

Love, B

Dear Making Paper Chains To Count Down To Stuff,

I don't think you're juvenile. I appreciate everything you stand for.

Love, B

Dear The Phrase "Son of a B#*%$",

You very well may be my go-to.

Love, B

Dear Scarlett O' Hara,

So much of me wishes I could be you.

Love, B

Dear Kona Mochas at See's Candies,

Marry me.

Love, B

...

Peace and Love.

Follow That Dream

 "There is a danger in the word someday when what it means is 'not this day.'...The thought 'Someday I will' can be a thief of the opportunities of time and the blessings of eternity."

-Henry B. Eyring

 Someday I will:

Birth a child

Go to Greece 

Go to grad school

Visit Green Gables

Get a gym membership

Read the Bible

See The Rolling Stones with my dad

Not live in snow

Have a beach house

See my Uncle Brad again

Choose someone else's happiness over my own

Bathe in a waterfall(not even kidding)

Have a son named Henry

Learn how to sew

Cut my hair regularly

Watch the real news instead of E's Daily Ten

Meet Matt Dillon

Not need my inhaler

Buy a beach cruiser
Be one with nature

Have a dog named Elvis

Be the best at something

See Van Gogh's Memory of the Garden at Etten for real and somehow try to exit the premises with it on my "person"...

Know all there is to know about the mafia

Learn to make a souffle
Read all of Edith Wharton's books

Sleep outside

Skinny-dip... again

See Les Mis in London

Read The Age of Innocence under a tree with minted Ginger Ale and... macaroons

Try Raspberry Cordial for real

Catch a fish

Buy something from Anthro not on sale

Recycle, Reduce, ReUse

Initiate a national ban against mayonnaise

Publish a manuscript
Drink however much water a day I'm supposed to

Plant a garden

Smile though my heart is aching

Dance in my kitchen with Mr. Wonderful
Have an intoxicating kiss in the rain just like Holly and Paul

Furnish a home in love, laughter, truth, and vintage

See India

Dedicate a whole day to Cary Grant movies

Perfect my glow

Personify "incandescently happy"

Play the piano again

Love a little girl named Fiona. Or Vivienne. Maybe I will love two little girls (!)

Perfectly epitomize Audrey H.

Master my "muchness"

Find the perfect pair of pencil pants
Visit Venice

Make love not war 

Protest against littering

Sing on stage

Stop believing in mermaids 

Bow at my Savior's feet

Learn how to prioritize

Save money

Have a trellis of hydrangeas

Be enchanted by NY again

See the orchestra- any orchestra

Put my personal touch on the world
Sing Moonriver as a lullaby

Memorize all the parts of the brain and their functions

Learn to separate my imaginings from my realities

Learn to cope with my imaginings not being my realities

Try a Turkish Delight

Not go one day without praying
Hold a starfish

Will not want what I can never have
Reach my potential
Know every little thing about something utterly significant
Know every little thing about something utterly insignificant (I'm well on my way to that one already, actually)

Go almost all the way completely Green

Have to stop going to Strung Out shows...

Not regret not smoking weed
See an opera- any opera (which will most likely spoil everyday life for me forever-after)

Be the portrait of a lady- at least once

Be able to shop at a Farmer's Market every Saturday morning

Know all about all the constellations
Care about politics
Dance to Moonriver in an ethereal white dress
Find meaning outside myself
Learn French

Put notes in my kids lunches

... Hopefully before my eternity runs out. Peace and Love.

Artwork: "Memories of the Garden at Etten" by Vincent Van Gogh

I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here

"To a superior race of being the pretensions of mankind to extraordinary sanctity and virtue must seem... ridiculous."
-William Hazlitt

Here are just a few things I will miss (not) about Provo. That is, when the blessed day that I extricate myself finally arrives...

1) V-necks and skinny jeans. On grown-ass men. How do they... nevermind. I don't even want to think about how they accommodate themselves into the geometry of the skinny jean. And enough with the man-cleave. Your poor dads.

2) Guys who don't know their shit's weak. Basically, almost every guy being "That" guy.

3) Sword and Quill club at BYU.

4) Snow

5) Snow

6) Snow

7) No legit Mexican restaurants, except for La Casita. But that's in Springville, so... Noted.

8) Girls who wear Nikes with every every every outfit. I.e.: BYU Sweatshirt, BYU sweatpants, Nikes; floral 90's blouse, jeans, Nikes; Lacy bottom-trimmed camisole, White V-Neck T-Shirt, jean skirt, Nikes. Gruesome.

9) The filth that is commonly referred to as Fry Sauce. AKA pink mayo. Can we not?

10) No Dunkin' Donuts! WTF.

11) The tweaker girls that work at Crest on 9th (I will however, miss the Crest gas stations themselves. Gems.)

12) Utah drivers. And this is from me, who took three tries to get licensed in the great state of CA.

13) P.P.D. aka Provo Police. Really? You take your job THAT seriously?

14) The weirdo rapist creepy As that talk to themselves riding the 832 and only have four teeth.

15) "Could care less"

16) Hipsters* (*see #1 and #28 for more information)

17) Being afraid to visit the Sev because of being mobbed by All-Stars. FYI: You're 39. You mayyyy want to think about making some life choices. (Related: #24)

18) The unbelievably relentless toolishness of University Towing- who is solely responsible for my fear of parking anywhere in the U.S. that is not my driveway.

19) Snow

20) The sheer audacity of Utah breds referring to Utah lake as "The Beach." For real?

21) No beach.

22) Utah Dating on Demand. Classic.

23) Shandies. You know who you are.

24) The most prolific trend/epidemic being douche-baggery- any and all forms. (Related: #28)

25) Snow

26) Having to break for DEER. Go. Back. To the mountain. Before I have my brother shoot your face.

27) The unparalleled ineptness of the natives- which can probably be attributed to delayed aftermath of polygamy. Mabes. Haha. I'm sorry, so because you "don't work in produce", does that mean that you are physically unable or forbidden to retrieve me a box from the warehouse, or that you are mentally unable/therefore forbidden to retrieve me a box from the warehouse? Ah. Sorry. Didn't mean to give you an aneurysm by assuming you knew how to... cerebrate.

28) Oh! The slaughtering of anything and everything sacredly legit. Like, let me see... music for instance. Let me run through the tragical process with you:

-Step 1: "Exhibit A" (i.e. a song, a band, a clothing item, a movie, or, most recently, a restaurant, etc.) reaps "dope" status in California.
-Step 2: Rumor of "Exhibit A" makes it's way to Utah, sometimes months or even years later.
-Step Threeve: A Mormo gets wind of "Exhibit A" and smothers it.
-Step 4: Said Mormo then proliferates "Exhibit A"'s exposure by bearing their testimony about it. As everyone knows, once one Mormo gets ahold of something they like, it's only a matter of time before it's a Mormon Sensation. Thus leading directly to...
-Step 5: The whole Mormo population smothering and strangling and raping and pillaging and annihilating and pulverizing and stripping the legitimacy out of once sacred "Exhibit A".
-Step 6: "Exhibit A" has now become and will forever remain... just one of the many, many components of douchebaggery.
And so ends the once sacredly legit status of "Exhibit A". We will miss you. R.I.P.

29er) Having to drive forty minutes for a semi-satisfying shopping experience. So not ideal.

30) Snow

31) BYU couples. You're gross.

Thanks P-Town. It's been real. Peace and Love.

A Thing Called Love

"You know what's wrong with you?" -Audrey
"What?" -Cary
" [Enraptured sigh, slow batting of eyelashes] Nothing." -Audrey
- Charade

So try as I may to front, I cannot betray the true romanticism that lurks and simmers deep within my soul. I cannot say where this deep-seeded enamoration for enamoration began, but all I know is, it is there, and it is so much a part of me that denying it would be like denying the existence of my very own beating heart or pathetically asthmatic, ever-struggling lungs. On my dresser in a little frame is the William Shakespeare quote: "To thine own self be true." I see this six-syllabled B-slap-in-the-face every morning when I'm getting ready for the day and each morning renew my vow to follow it's quiet little imploration to embrace all that is Brittany. For someone as vitriolic as I can be, it is truly extraordinary that my heart can beat for anything lovely. Oh, but it does. And I'm not ashamed to admit that sometimes I find myself utterly intoxicated with the idea of that four-letter word we refer to as L-O-V-E.

Ever since I was little, I've been intrigued with the idea of falling in love, and that little fire of intrigue has not lost it's flame as I've grown into womanhood. Indeed, it's probably only burned more keenly. I think the underlying cause for this fascination lies in the sheer fact that I've never truly been in love. Not the kind that I've imagined about anyway. I love my parents, I love my sibs, I love cameos, I love Pepsi, and I've definitely been in incomplete-and-emotionally-draining-like with various people, but I've never, ever had the penetrating kind of romance that I've imagined about. So all I have to go off of are the resplendent enrapturations of others who have experienced what I've only devotedly wondered about- whether in music, or movies, or literature. {DISCLAIMER: I am WELL aware that all the aforementioned musings about love are merely contrived and artful attestions to appeal to the part within all of us that relishes in such- which is why we go see chick flicks in the first place... Anyway.} So, in the abysmal bleakness that is this season (Dear Utah, I hate you. Love, B.), I have nothing better to do than eat (another thing that I  four-letter-word) and blog about stuff that I know nothing about. In all my endless hours of filmage, reading, and hours and hours and hours of audiologically drinking-in my iTunes, I have compiled countless quotes about that little thing called Love that all describe, to some extent, why it is truly "all we need" (to quote them Beatles). In essence, each of these "testimonials" have played a part in constructing my admittedly whimsical ideal of what it means to be in love. I thought about categorizing them, since I'm an organize-aholic, and came up with the following categories:
-Bravery
-Submission to the throws of love
-Exquisite happiness
-Relinquishing of sensicalities
-The willingly possessed, belonging to one another
- Forever kind of love, eachother's beginning and end... aka On and on and on kinda love

But then I decided to forgo the categorization of something that really is probably very uncategorizable. So here they are. Try your best to fight off the nausea and if at all possible, refrain from the compelling desire to roll your eyes. For however ridiculous and impossible and whimsical these ideas may be, you can't deny that deep down, you wish they were true.

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”
- erika jong

"The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore."
-vincent Van gogh
(He had his heartbroken time after time... And he STILL had the balls to give it away again and again.)

"Widen your heart scope."
- the killers

"When you're too in love to let it go...But if you never try you'll never know... Just what you're worth."
-coldplay

“I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love, above all. Not the artful postures of love, but the love that overthrows life. Un-biddable, ungovernable like a
riot in the heart and nothing to be done come ruin or rapture. Love as there has never been in a play. I will have love …”
-shakespeare in love

“I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.”

-carrie bradshaw

"open up my arms and fall...

Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
... Kiss me
On that midnight street,
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet."
-david gray

"Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you."

-The One, The Only

"You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."
-mr. darcy

"You're the sweetest little woman I ever had."

-the rolling stones

"...completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy."
-eliza bennett

"A woman should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."
-rhett butler

"...something so like perfect happiness, that it could bear no other name..."
-Pride and Prejudice


"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere...
they're in each other all along."
-rumi

"...my highest ideal of earthly bliss."
-my girl, anne shirley

"...sweetest and best of all creatures, faultless in spite of all her faults..."

- mr. knightley

"I love you every way there is to love a man."
-nancy turner

"You got somethin' I want plenty of."
-Bob Dylan

"Each time you happen to me all over again."
-The Age of Innocence

"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful."

-mae west

And, correspondingly, maybe my favorite quote of all time:

"Nothing is too wonderful to be true."

-william faderly

"There is nothing more truly artistic than to love people."
-vincent Van gogh

"Love is a portion of the soul itself."

- victor hugo

"Let us be in love; let's do 'old and gray'".

-the killers

"Remember today, for it is the beginning of always. Today marks the start of a brave new future filled with all your dreams can hold. Think truly to the future and make all those dreams come true."

-dante alighieri

"The only way to know ourselves is to go too far."
- Jason Cruz

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

- noah calhoun

"I found a thrill to press my cheek to. "
-etta james

"And if you'll let me, I will keep you here inside the stars. I will love the sound of my sheets- oh, you have moved beneath them."
-rickie lee jones

"You touch me- I hear the sound of mandolins; you kiss me- with your kiss my life begins. You're spring to me; all things to me. You're life itself. Like a leaf clings to a tree, oh my darling- cling to me."
-Nina Simone

"'Sometimes' is never quite enough."
- alanis morissette

"Did you walk for the fear of love? Or, don't you believe enough? Well I'll cover us both- you can leave that to me."
-imogen heap

"Don't you know that I belong arm in arm with you, baby?"

-regina spektor

"I'd like to be the first white hair upon your head, your cherry pie, your daily bread. I'll cook for free, i'll make your bed...I'd like to be the owner of the zipper on your jeans... The beginning, the end, and everything in between. And be your slave, and be your queen."

-shakira

"No love, no glory." - damien rice

"She is loveliness itself."
-mr. knightley

"Wherever you're goin', i'm goin' your way."
- moonriver

"At your feet."

- marius to cosette, Les Miserables

 "Oh but if I had the stars from the darkest night, and the diamonds from the deepest ocean, I'd forsake them all for  your sweet kiss, for that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'."
-Bob Dylan

"Moi je t'offrirai

Des perles de pluie

Venues de pays

Oþ il ne pleut pas

Je creuserai la terre

Jusqu'apr

Pour couvrir ton corps

D'or et de lumi

Je ferai un domaine

Oþ l'amour sera roi

Oþ l'amour sera loi

Oþ tu seras reine

ne me quitte pas"

-Nina Simone
(No, I don't speak the French. Howev, I am so intoxicated by this song, "Ne Me Quitte Pas", which, in English means, "Do Not Leave Me", that I Google translated the lyrics and this verse of the song was particularly lovely. It says something like, 'I will cover your body in gold and light... blah blah blah... Love is King and you are the Queen... Do not leave me.' Enchanting, right?)

"I believe in kissing- kissing a lot."
-Audrey Hepburn

Peace and L-O-V-E.