"The sudden bound from mournful resignation to infinite felicity seemed to upset me. Even now I am still beside myself and sometimes I tremble lest I should suddenly awaken from this dream divine."
-Victor Hugo, in a "love letter" to his wife Adele
Dear Kidneys,
Sorry about the 3 pound bag of Sweettart jellybeans I ate today.
Love, B
Dear All The Clothes I Hand-Washed Today,
You are annoying.
Love, B
Dear Jackson F. Brown,
You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. So far.
Love, B
Dear Lavendar,
I wish the whole world smelled like you.
Love, B
Dear Taco Bell Drive-Thru Man Whom Gave Me a Free Pepsi Today,
Thank you!
Love, B
Dear June,
I can't wait see you again. I will basque in you.
Love, B
Dear Clean Sheets,
You may possibly be my highest ideal of earthly bliss.
Love, B
Dear Sleeping In- My Long-Lost Friend,
We will reunite someday.
Love, B
Dear Chewable Vitamin-C Tablets,
The jig is up. I know you're candy in disguise. And I'm not mad.
Love, B
Dear Elvis,
Oh just... Everything.
Love, B
Dear Beloved Cameo Collection,
Just thinking of you makes me serenely happy.
Love, B
Dear Webster's Pocket Dictionary,
You are my favorite nerdy pleasure.
Love, B
Dear Pachelbel Canon in D,
You never stop giving. My soul is ardently enamored with you.
Love, B
Dear Ginger Ale,
I think I'm the only human under the age of 67 that drinks you. But I'll drink you 'til I'm 67 at least.
Love, B
Dear Singing In The Shower,
You make me supremely happy.
Love, B
Dear Always Sunny In Philadelphia,
You are completely inappropriate. But I love you just the same.
Love, B
Dear Tiramasu,
Thank you for all that you are.
Love, B
Dear Getting Waxed,
You're so worth the agony.
Love, B
Dear Brothers On Missions,
Sometimes I miss you all the time.
Love, B
Dear Little Sisters,
Stop growing.
Love, B
Dear Popsicles (Dad),
I owe you: about four sets of tires, a totaled Range Rover, some car payments, among other things. You will probably never get them from me. But I love you more than Webster's or I can express.
Love, B
Dear Mama,
I want to be you in most every way.
Love, B
Dear Scoliosis,
Go away.
Love, B
Dear Cheeseburgers,
I could eat one of you every. single. day.
Love, B
Dear Downloading Music Until The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning,
I may need to leave you for awhile and seek out some sort of 12-step program.
Love, B
Dear People Who Say "I Could Care Less",
I hate you.
Love, B
Dear Les Miserables,
I think you were written just for me.
Love, B
Dear The Age of Innocence,
You are tragically beautiful. Just like Elpheba.
Love, B
Dear Pile Of Laundry I Have To Fold,
See you on my floor in a big pile tomorrow! Take care.
Love, B
Dear Organic Skim Milk,
I know you're a scam. But I can't stop!
Love, B
Dear Washing My Hair Every Day,
R.I.P.
Love, B
Dear Cary Grant,
You are intoxicating.
Love, B
Dear Hello Kitty,
I still kind of adore you and get a little thrill when I see you on stuff, like the Band-Aids I bought at Target last week.
Love, B
Dear March Madness,
I don't get it.
Love, B
Dear Antique Stores,
How does one live life without you?
Love, B
Dear The Kardashians,
Be nicer to Scott. He's kinda funny.
Love, B
Dear Bompa (My three-year old moniker for "Grandpa"),
My heart belongs to you.
Love, B
Dear Carla Bruni,
I loved you even more when I found out you had an affair with Mick Jagger. Please tell me there is a love child out there somewhere... And where I can buy their album...
Love, B
Dear French,
I want to learn you soon.
Love, B
Dear Hearing and Sight,
Please never, never leave me.
Love, B
Dear Anne Shirley,
I want to be you. Minus the red hair of course.
Love, B
Dear Swimming Laps,
Let's be friends again.
Love, B
Dear Now 'N' Laters,
I thought I'd be over you by now. It seems I'm not.
Love, B
Dear Making Lists,
Please explain why crossing things off of you gives me such sick thrills? So much so that I write mindless things like, "Brush teeth" on you just so I can cross it off? I don't understand.
Love, B
Dear Book About Jack The Ripper That I'm Reading,
You are a creep. And I am a creep for reading you in the first place.
Love, B
Dear The Word Diabolical,
I kind of love you.
Love, B
Dear Making Paper Chains To Count Down To Stuff,
I don't think you're juvenile. I appreciate everything you stand for.
Love, B
Dear The Phrase "Son of a B#*%$",
You very well may be my go-to.
Love, B
Dear Scarlett O' Hara,
So much of me wishes I could be you.
Love, B
Dear Kona Mochas at See's Candies,
Marry me.
Love, B
...
Peace and Love.
