Aud(b)rey

"For me, the only things of interest are those linked

  to the heart."

-Audrey Hepburn

 Happy Birthday to a very classy lady indeed. I can't ever thank you enough.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

Not to live for the day, that would be materialistic — but to treasure the day. I realize that most of us live on the skin — on the surface — without appreciating just how wonderful it is simply to be alive at all.

Let’s face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.

And I love to be alone. It doesn’t bother me one bit. 
I’m my own company.

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 
'I'm possible'!

I was born with a terrible need for affection and a terrible need to give it.

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.

 

If I get married, I want to be very married.

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.

If I’m honest I have to tell you I still read fairy-tales and I like them best of all.

Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up.

The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy — it's all that matters.

  
Peace and Love. Darling.

Girl: Happy

"It is the sweet, simple things in life that are the real ones after all."

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

Confession: This blog is purely and whole-heartedly a device for cataloging my eccentricities. To what end, I'm not sure. But, since someday I will have children who will only know me as their old battle-axe mother and not as this sprightly young girl that I am now, I feel it important to somehow document the spontaneous and admittedly eclectic thoughts that roam through my mind and heart so that there is proof that this girl once existed. 
(Yes, my heart has a mind of it's own. Oh and I hope against hope that I don't ever become a battle-axe, but one never knows.)

I've decided upon a new habit for L.M.T.'ly, one that will hopefully help me achieve one of my New Year's Reso's which was to think absolutely positive thoughts on the reg. With that goal in mind, I introduce you to...

Girl: Happy.

Only those readers who are as enamored with Elvis as I will note that each blog post is dubbed with an Elvis tune as it's title. Marvelous, right? You didn't think I came up with Love Me Tenderly all on my own, did you? (I did have to change it to the adverb since whether a blessing or a curse, grammar is the oxygen that I breathe.)I found the song title Girl Happy exquisitely fitting for what I have in mind. I la la love the idea of finding "Heaven's hand" in the day to day. So often, these simple joys and sweet nothings are what puts the living into life, but sometimes get overlooked by the mundane that inevitably comes with the day to day as well. 
 If you are asking yourself: 
"What the gobstopper is she babbling about now?", 
I'll tell you. From now on, L.M.T.'ly will have at least one entry a week canvassing the sweet little nothings and simple joys that helped contribute to my quest for living a charmed life.
Here's what I have so far:

No, I'm not 96, though I think I must be an old soul because why else would I love cinnamon disks and ginger ale so much?

Sally Hansen nail strips. For those lacking in steez what so many of our Vietnamese friends effortlessly execute, these are a girl's bff.

Goodreads.com. I am a lush when it comes to this website. It goes without saying, I think, that books.period. are at the very top of Life's Little Thrills list. Right??

e.o.s. Lemon Drop lip-thingy-stuff. This has made me into that lady from the Soundgarden "Black Hole Sun" video, circa 1994. Anytime I apply it I want to eat my own lips. Yum.

 Andddd... Of course, my long-lost love, The Sun. He is radiant and buttery and generous today. And I indeed am a girl (most very) happy.

Peace and Love.

And The Grass Won't Pay No Mind

"i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes"

-e.e. cummings

I feel somewhat remiss in taking an eternal week to catalog what was my glorious celebration of Mother Nature last Friday. Yes, I know. Earth Day is not a real "holiday". I get it. But for me, there is something very kindred about that day. I just love what it represents. I do try to live in an eco-conscious fashion when fashion permits. I recycle with all my might, mind, and soul. I sometimes go organic, when my taste-buds find favor in it. I abominate littering to no end, at times even putting my own germaphobia to the test by properly disposing of this tangible form of "blatant disregard"... These are little nothings in the ear of Mother Nature, I know. There are individuals out there far more devoted than I to the cause of stewarding the planet. But I wasn't always so concerned with it as I am now, so you must know that for me, any act participated in, in which the sole benefactoress is not me, is completely out of character. Where did this small step toward altruism begin, you ask? It's simple and disgusting, really. One spring as I was packing up my life to move home, I realized I had accumulated grossly mountainous piles of "stuff", none of which I wanted or needed. I loaded up all this junk onto a bed sheet, folded it up, hobo-style, lugged it down to the parking lot trashcan, and heave-ho'd it into that monstrosity of garbage. What remained was a pit in my stomach that can only be described as material gluttony. How could one so small contribute so vastly to that Juggernaut of waste? I was utterly disgusted and disappointed in myself. It was after that tragical display of excess that I promised myself I would never again be so utterly trash-y. So, of course, when April 22 finds me each year, I find sweet retreat in it and appreciate the opportunity to honor it. Consider it my self-inflicted penance for my past actions.

Even before my deplorable crimes against nature, I always had a serene sense of wonder for it. (I just didn't connect the fact that lots of garbage equated to LESS nature...) Not so much for the "living creatures" part of nature- there are only about four animals in all creation that I don't find scary or gross. But, there is something so alluring and sacred to me about trees and being in their company, with soft plush grass beneath my feet and all manner of botanicals surrounding us. And therefore a day devoted to the appreciation of such is hard for me to ignore. So, on this earthy day of days, I decided to celebrate by hiking to a waterfall which is conveniently thriving just down the canyon. (What a lucky girl am I?!) Oh how I adore waterfalls. I just love their majesty. It was so serene to just be surrounded by the newly green of trees and the rushing sounds of that water. But even more so because Today was in honor of just those things. (I won't talk about the dead elk that was R.I.P.'ing at the bottom of it... Which only adds more ammunition to my opinion that animals are creepy and ruin perfectly good anythings). I began that day with a prayer to Above, thanking Him for the grace which was present in the clear sky and sunshine, and it could not have been a more inviting day to celebrate something so cherished by my little heart. If nothing else, the weather was proof to me that Heaven also celebrates Earth Day, since the days and days previous had all been painted with spring rain. Sidenote: I had the thought while journeying down the trail how marvelous it would be to have a baby on Earth Day... Oh my Mind. Sometimes it scares me, the paths It chooses to take! 
(I would name her Sage. Or him, Rush. FYI.)

 Admittedly, there has always been a part of me that would love to go completely bohemian and live solely and soulfully off of all Mama N's bounteous resources. But alas, there are far too many mercenary pleasures which also have come to be somewhat affinitive to my soul. In a perfect world, I would be able to bathe in waterfalls daily and slumber nightly under whispery willow trees, but still have the comforts of my crisp, clean sheets and the delicacies of Anthro and eclairs. I truly do feel blessed though to live in a place where one can find pleasure in both things temporal as well as things infinite. I love the feeling of sinking my toes into warm summer sand just as much as I love sinking them into a new pair of shoes. I love savoring a crisp, fresh apple just as much as I love devouring a greasy cheeseburger. Sometimes I appreciate the quiet sound of "outside" just as much as I appreciate a Stones anthem. Thank goodness I am SO well-rounded. 

May every day, in it's own little, sacred way, be Earth Day. And may her bounteous beauty live forever as we remember that without her, we are kinda screwed.

Peace and Love.

P.S. I love knowing that there is a waterfall just down the street, and I can promise you this: I will find some way, some how, to bathe in that bad boy before summer is over.

Killing Me Softly

"I want a good body. But I want dessert more."

-Jason Love

I love knowing there's an eclair waiting for me in the fridge. Perhaps I'll eat it while on the treadmill today... Peace and Love.

Do Not Disturb

"What a cryin' shame, what We became."

-John McCauley

Apparently the jinx ghost reads LMT'ly because You appeared in my doorway this morning. Without warning. There's nothing like a big, hearty bowl of your past to start out the day... Breakfast of champions. Peace and Love.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

"I think of your smile; I'm in love with your teeth."

-Deer Tick

You don't exist in my reality anymore. You don't gleam in my awakening like you used to. You are undeniably absent in what is real. 

But you are as existent as ever in my reverie. You are the thought I most enjoy, though the thoughts I lend your way don't bring me any pleasantries. Dismissing thoughts of you is a cognitive fight never more helplessly waged than now. More often than not I wave my feeble white flag of surrender, succumb to the masochism, and invite those thoughts in for tea to linger as long as they may. Because I would rather drown myself in a sea of thoughts for you than float along smoothly in an endless and meaningless undulation where you don't reside anymore.

I want to sink into the abyss that was Us. You made me feel flawless and wreckless; the only argument to ever get me to nearly abandon what I'd always protected so fervently. I almost discarded it - all of it - for the sake of ultimate proximity. Somehow, it seemed worth everything. Sacrificial, selfless, important. The brokenness you tried to hide was more compelling to me than any argument or justification you ever made for everything that was Us. 

I miss you almost all the time. Especially in my lonely moments. I know we cannot be. I know in my core I don't want Us to be, either. But Reason never was a friend of mine. The emptiness I felt with you is better than the emptiness I feel now. I felt hollow when I was in Us. But, I craved you. That rough exterior canvasing your tender heart: It held me hostage. I've never in my life so willingly been held captive. You entered, and I was rescued. I exited, and I think we both broke a little. My existence is forever prevailed upon because of yours. But I'd rather live with the scar of your intrusion, than to have the immaculate facade that would have come from never encountering you. 

There must be some perversity lurking within me, that I would rather ache for you than pray for numbness. I've never been one to abandon the weak parts of me, but this is so much more than that. It is deliberate susceptibility. I can still hear your cadences and see your unmistakable silhouette. I know them best in this dark place. I loved the space you took. That space is a ghost now. 

If I am not meticulous with my thoughts, everything about Us pervades my bloodstream. Those cogitations are malignant, and yet, escape seems futile and even more poisonous than letting them invade my counscious vitality. You see, I abandoned Us because the possession terrified me. And even now, I have yet to find the solace that comes from turning one's back on perceived peril. Here I remain, a pitiful fragment of what I used to be- wanting to rewind and yet abhorring the past. 

Sometimes I think I'd cash in all my chips for just one more complete surrender- just one more premeditated detraction. Because We are all that matters when the moment opportunes our collision. A collision- that is exactly what it is. A marvelous, ruinous escape into corrosive plains. It is beautifully destructive. Letting you be a part of me  subtracts from my existence. And yet I ache for it. If, by some miraculous misfortune, you were to appear in my doorway, I would lack the strength to turn you away, though I know it would mean cancer for me. But in my deepest, most private places, I will wish for you and miss you and let you exist as you once did. And I will find no solace from that. 

It is impossible to know you and not bleed for you. It is to feel tangibly what was once just an idea. I was always fighting for a cause which my deepest taverns of identity could not embrace. And it created a war within my own heart: every even beat for you, every odd beat in protest. If you only knew how perilously close you came to triumph. 

All of our endless words. So many and each of them lost now, congregating somewhere in the expanses of time and space. What will become of them? Will they one day greet us and remind us of their existence? They will exclaim: "Welcome to Another Lifetime; We will make sense here. Here, we will provide the promise that was impossible There. Now, what was once a hopeless, debilitating fight, is now Meant. It is what was always supposed to be, here, in Another Lifetime." 

Those words and affectations, exquisite and demoralizing, could hold no promise Here or Now, but were laced with the possibility of fruition in some other world. And they were the sweetest kind of poison.

Pieces of My Life

 "I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya... it feels phenomenal."

 -Peter LeFleur, Dodgeball

Last night I was bored and being the narcissist that I am, decided to read through some of the posts here on L.M.T'ly. Last March I wrote a little somethin' somethin' called "Follow That Dream", which was basically a confession of what I want my life to look like by the time it's over. I guess that's referred to as a "bucket list", but I like to refer to it as my "future memories". Anyway, upon reviewing that list last night, I had the giddy little thrill of realizing that in the last ten months, I had accomplished some of those very deeds. I know what you're thinking... "Oh! Isn't it marvelous?!" And that is exactly what I thought too. So in honor of making a small but note-worthy dent in my Future Memories List, I decided I'd catalogue my experience with those once-hoped-for-and-now-just a lovely memory to relish- experiences.

{Get a gym membership} - Sure enough, hell froze over and Yours Truly decided to enlist in that quest so many of us have found ourselves in. I am now a bonafide member of one Gold's Gym. I never thought I'd say this, but exercising is not my least favorite thing. I've come to appreciate the sense of accomplishment one feels after running or throwin' them weights around. I've already accepted the fact that I'll never achieve an Audrey-esque waistline (no thanks to my adoration for confectionary thrills), but recently I've noticed that I'm far less grotesqued by my derrierre than I was a year ago... THAT in and of itself is quite inspiring, don't you think? 

{Not need my inhaler} - Though this one cannot be completely hacked off the list of things hoped-for, I am halfway there. I can now run for an hour without taking one hit... Howev, laughing hysterically still presents a problem. It's safe to say though that eradicating hysterical laughter out of my life would be far worse than any old asthma attack.

{See an opera- any opera (which will most likely spoil everyday life for me forever-after)} Oh Delilah. There are just no words for this one. La Boheme. (Insert slow, enraptured sigh HERE.) It was like... a dream. That's the only way I can think of to describe it. Between the rich poetry, the mellifluous music, the tragical amore... I was completely and utterly intoxicated. Oh, and yes, every day life was spoiled for about a week or so. Then I somehow managed to remember that with all the living I have to do, I shouldn't write Life off just yet. And I simply cannot discuss this experience without expressing my deeply heartfelt gratitude to him who afforded me this rapturous experience: If you're reading this C- Thank you, thank you, thank you...

So I know this list seems inconsequential since there are a whopping three accomplishments, but a goal is a goal, right? I believe I've noted before my affinity for list making and the thrill I get from crossing things off of them. I can't be altogether sure, but I would compare the sensation I achieve might be similar to one a serial killer feels after yet another victim... What? So even though it's quite a small little dent in that list of mine, it's a dent nonetheless and crossing off those three accomplishments was sheer exhilaration.

Now, here are the ones I plan to knock out this year, or at least get started on 'em:

{Learn how to sew}

{Learn the French}

{Master my "muchness"}

{Not go one day without praying}

{Dance to Moonriver in an ethereal white dress}

... Along with my WWAD Resolution (see this little badboy),of course.

Here's to 2011 and all the opportunity it brings for being in love with your life.

Peace and Love.

Image artwork found at http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs48/f/2009/177/9/9/puzzle_piece_Tattoo_by_yitux.jpg